I made a little joke recently when I was asking for input on what I should write about next. The post was this: “Have any topics you'd like me to explore? Questions about audiobooks, production, casting, etc? Questions about life or love or meal planning? Ha!”
I tacked on ‘meal planning’ because I was trying to be funny. I mean, who wants to hear about THAT?
But then I had these two comments:
“How do you fit meal planning and execution into your work schedule?
…And…
“I second this. I'd love to hear more about the ways you've prioritized yourself!”
I’ve been thinking about this all week, the idea of prioritizing yourself, and fitting things into a very busy schedule, and I realize now, it’s no joke. It’s serious.
A couple of years ago, I experienced what wasn’t quite a breakdown, but that’s how we understand it. I experienced a deflation, a drought, a crisis. I was so worn out, so exhausted, that I realized I had nothing left to give. Pick your metaphor:
· I was a deflated balloon.
· I was a plant with no water.
· I was a pitcher that had been emptied into a hundred cups, but I still had a hundred more cups I needed to fill.
I was beyond tired, beyond weary. It felt like being an empty husk that needed to replenish the world around me, and I couldn’t do it. There was nothing left in me to give.
I needed a vacation from giving.
It's taken me years to heal from that.
Here is what I’ve learned:
If you prioritize everyone and everything around you and don’t nurture yourself, there will come a time when you are completely depleted. You will want to keep giving. And you will be unable to.
The only way to be present in a busy life and to nurture and support your intimate relationships, your kids, your pets, your job, your creative life, the everyday-ness of living, your God, your body, is to make sure you take care of yourself.
This isn’t being selfish. This is making sure you are strong and can handle the many things that are asked of you.
You are a priority.
You can’t support others if you aren’t supported.
Sometimes, we have a partner that can help us, and we have a lovely give and take. They step in when you’re tired, and you step back, and vice versa. It’s a dance of giving and receiving. If you have that, hallelujah!
But many of us, even in relationships, have to do things on our own. We don’t have a give and take from someone else. Maybe we don’thave a partner, or maybe that partner is in a place where they don’t (or can’t) help.
So how do you manage?
SCHEDULE THINGS
What I’ve learned to do is I schedule things for myself. I have a daily To Do List that helps me organize and prioritize. I write it out every morning, with the 5 to 10 important things I need to do in the day.
My partner once looked at my To Do List and laughed because #4 said Take A Shower. “I’ve never seen someone put Showering on their To Do List,” he said. And then I had to explain. “If it’s not on my list, everything else will take priority. Every time I run the water, the water heater turns on and it takes 30 minutes or so for it to stop. That’s thirty minutes I’m not in the booth recording. I’m interrupted a hundred times a day for tasks, and the first thing to go is my shower, because it’s not a Need, you know? It’s a luxury.”
But it isn’t a luxury. It’s a need. It’s my need.
So I put Take A Shower on my list of priorities.
I also put Tanya Time on my calendar. I schedule a day off here or there where I indulge in things I like to do. Things that nurture me: a walk, a long bath, watching a scary movie, painting. When people ask if I’m available for something, I look at my calendar and I can say that time is booked, but I’m available after that date.
ROUTINE
I’ve also realized that for me, routine is structure. On the weekend, I plan out meals I’m going to cook and figure out what leftovers we’ll have for lunch, etc. I also choose one day a week where we get takeout or have a Leftover Buffet. Sometimes, I get a meal kit so I’ve got a couple of dishes lined up. (I’ve used Hello Fresh, Purple Carrot, and Green Chef.)
I’ve learned that if I cook good food, the kids will eat the leftovers.
I’ve also learned that some things heat up better than others: Enchiladas don’t heat up well (soggy), but taco meat does. Pasta sauce heats up well, you just store the pasta in its own container, so it doesn’t soak up all the sauce and get squishy.
I work from 8 until 3 or so. At 4PM, I’m in the kitchen, cooking or prepping. We have dinner around 5:30. An hour or so out of my day to cook is a lot, but I listen to the news or an audiobook, and I find cooking soothing, so it feels good to me. Knowing the meals we’re going to have soothes anxiety for me and I don’t have that “What are we going to eat” panic thing that happens.
I look up recipes occasionally. Try new cookbooks. Save things on Pinterest I want to try. It’s fun for me. I enjoy it.
My routine of work, To Do List, cook around 4 is just part of my every day. It’s not easy, but it is manageable.
TAKE TIME OFF
The other thing I do that is new for me, is that I take time off. I occasionally schedule a weekend where I don’t ‘do’ anything except be at home. If I can’t manage a weekend, I schedule an evening. I stop work at 5 and that’s it. I’m done. If I’m really in a place of overwhelm and can’t schedule time off right away, I schedule it in the future, so I have something to look forward to.
FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU
I don’t know what will work for you and your busy life. Everyone has different stresses, needs, and hurdles to overcome. And sometimes work is overwhelming, and money is tight. For me, the biggest thing I’ve done is just to realize that taking time for me, being good to myself, isn’t a luxury: it’s a need. If I am tended to and rested, I can tend to everyone (and everything else) in my life with more calm, more strength, more empathy, and more love. When I take care of myself, I am taking care of others.
I also know there will be days where I can accomplish a lot. And there will be days where I can’t accomplish anything. It’s okay. This is how life is. There’s a flux.
SLOW DOWN
You know how in horror movies, the besieged teenager is running wildly, trying to get away from the killer? They’re freaked out and blurry eyed, they’re running with all their limbs flailing, bumping into stuff. And what does the killer do? The killer calmly walks after their intended victim, calm and steady and whistling, for Pete’s sake. WHISTLING. And that killer eventually catches up.
So BE THE KILLER. But don’t, you know, actually kill anyone, please. Just be calm and steady. You don’t have to flail around in a panic every day. Just slowly do what you can do, and when you’ve reached your limit, stop the Doing.
And again, don’t kill anyone. Killing = BAD.
Having some quiet time to meal plan and watch Grey’s Anatomy = GOOD.
A CHALLENGE FOR YOU
This week, I have a challenge for you. If meal planning is something you’re interested in, plan one meal this week ahead of time. Pick a day that works for you and see how that feels. Just one day of planning.
Part two of the challenge: Every day, take a few minutes to do something that feels like a luxury (even though it’s a need). Maybe that’s a long shower (10 minutes is long to me), a walk, a nap. Maybe it’s watching cat videos or walking in place for ten minutes while listening to NPR. Maybe all you have time and space for is a few deep breaths while you get centered and the world spins around you.
Take those few minutes for you. Just for you. It’ll give you a little more in your cup.
Do one thing for yourself every day, and one planned meal in a week. See what changes in you. See if it helps support you so that you can be your best.
And if you have a week when you’re not your best, when things get crazy and you can’t catch up, realize that this is just a moment, or a few moments, and there will be calm soon. Wait for that calm, and then start again.
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TANYA EBY is a narrator, writer, and casting director for audiobooks. Some of her favorite meals to make for her family are meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans, taquitos with homemade Instant Pot refried beans (beans freeze great), chicken or vegetable curry over rice, easy chicken cordon blue (literally 5 minutes of prep), and shrimp boil packets (shrimp, potatoes, green beans, sausage, corn, Old Bay Seasoning, lemon and butter in tinfoil packets that bake at 450 for about 20 minutes). Want some recipes? Let her know! And as always, please feel free to comment or share this post with others.
I’m the worst at meal planning. I have cookbooks and Pinterest boards galore, but I never think about it until it’s time to prepare something. I used to enjoy using Mealime (a free meal planning app), but my partner doesn’t care for the recipes, so now I’m left without a system. Thanks for the blog! You’ve inspired me to start small with one planned recipe a week, instead of the overwhelm of planning every day
This is so wise. I feel calm just reading this. I don't have a problem with planning meals. That's easy for me. I do need to schedule admin tasks, though. Not getting out invoices, etc. eats away at my brain. I would be smart to schedule a time/day to just do it.
So, I will. Thank you for this post. Just lovely.